Motherhood: A Process Perspective

March 3, 2015

After 9 grueling months, the precious person giving you hell inside is here. Ain't they just the cutest? Dontcha just want to eat them up? Don't worry. That will pass. There will be numerous sleepless nights, shower less days, and they won't be so cute anymore. This doesn't mean you don't love them, it simply means for the love of God you wish they would sleep! In those sleepless nights, your mind will wander and the doubt will roll in. You'll start to question yourself: "What the hell am I doing? Did I put too much milk in the bottle? Will it choke them? Omg, what if it gives them diarrhea? It'll all be my fault!" Yes, yes it will be your fault. And you know what, that's okay!

First things first, be advised you are going to make a shit ton of mistakes. Majority of them will happen when you least expect it. The suddenness of it will cause you to freak out. This is also natural. Go ahead, freak out! But recover quickly, because whatever the issue is it still needs to be solved. Motherhood is a true test of perspective thinking. You'll become an expert trust me. In addition to that, all these mistakes are opportunities to learn yourself and your baby. This is just as new to them as it is to you. Don't worry about being right or doing something perfectly. And for the love of everything that is natural, don't read a mom forum! All those bitches are crazy.

If you're wondering what makes me think I know what I'm talking about well besides the fact I have a child (obviously) I suffered temporary insanity and had another one. Two whole children. What the hell was I thinking? Please don't think of me as a bad person, I love my kids. I look into their eyes and see everything that is beautiful about this world. That's my actual feeling about my kids, but they are driving me insane! My eldest is 4 and the younger one is going on 5 months and I'm still trying to figure out how to balance my life, work, my home, not divorce my third child aka my husband, and still raise well-adjusted respectful kids. Yeah, that was a heavy sentence. I know I'm not the only woman out there doing so. There is success in it all but damn if it isn't the hardest job out. Shout out to all the women that have made it out of the early years, I salute you.

Although this is my second round at the rodeo, I still worry if I'm making mistakes. After not changing diapers for the past the three years, I find myself making the most simple mistakes and feeling bad about making them. Sometimes I close the bathroom door and have to pull myself together because I'm so overwhelmed, which is an inevitable feeling with any number of children. I've come to be okay with this. I believe all mothers need at least 5 minutes alone to get it together. To contemplate what you're next move will be now that you're child has knocked over their juice on their toys while your dinner is cooking, but your significant other forgot to take the garbage that morning and you've been trying to take it out all day, but you can't decide if that's really the garbage or you because you haven't been able to shower today...wait, the chicken is burning! We've all been there. There will be many more un-perfect moments. Use these as stepping stones in mother hood. You will never know it all but as long as you maintain your strength and keep an open mind, you'll be fine. Oh, and wine. Lots and lots of wine. You should look into membership opportunities at your local liquor store.

By now I hope you're reading this saying, "yes...yes...omg that's me" and no longer feel bad for the not so perfect mommy moments. So go ahead, leave that pee diaper on a little bit longer so you can get some more sleep. They'll survive. Plus, you're not going to sit down again for the rest of the night when they wake up. 

-Ashley Fludd

Ashley is a writer, mother of two beautiful girls, wife, and a kickass female! Watch out for more of her writing featured here on NYOMamas.

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